Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
