Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
