she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
