just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
