I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just pee around me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
