she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
