I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
