i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
