First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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