Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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