youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
