Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
