I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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