Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
