A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
