out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
