I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
