Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
