Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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