Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
