pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
