we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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