she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
