Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
