I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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