first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
