I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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