My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
