just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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