I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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