All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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