He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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