both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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