Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
