Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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