My first STD was from a foam party
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
