I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
