Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
