oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
