I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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