What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
