New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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