kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
