Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
