There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
