this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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