No period for spring break; use this wisely.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
