I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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