im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
