Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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