Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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