It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
