My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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