Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
