Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
