After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
