Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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