Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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