No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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