Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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