im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
