You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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