2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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