Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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