We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
